Are you in love with..... yourself?

I would like to take the liberty to use a well known section of the Bible regarding love and look at it from a slightly different vantage point- instead of self-recriminations, let’s use this scripture to help us locate what we long for most.

1 Corinthians 13:
If I give everything I am away, but I don't love myself, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, or what I do, I am bankrupt without love flowing like a river flows within. Love never gives up on me. Love cares for others best by first loving every nuance of self. Love doesn't inflict misery by wanting what it doesn't have. Love doesn’t act from selfish motive, Love understands the intricate balance of worth, Love doesn't force, Love knows when to take time for renewal of self, Love doesn't easily get upset with one’s own mistakes, Doesn't compare self to others, Doesn't grovel with a sense of inferiority. Love is joyful when true to thy own self, Love walks away from what is not healthy. Love knows how much God loves and can trust God always, Love is always optimistic, Never looks back but keeps replenishing itself to the end. Love never dies.

Kahlil Gibran wrote, “Love... It surrounds every being and extends slowly to embrace all that shall be.” Often we look to the outside- to some other- to find what we sense is missing- love.

One of the distortions to the Christian message is a sort of self-condemnation that has arisen, I believe, out of an over-emphasis on a sin tradition. The Apostle Paul refers to his past in Romans 7: 15 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I don’t do, yet I do what I hate- for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. What a wretched man I am!” This is Paul speaking before he understood fully the gospel of grace which he taught later in his ministry.

Gibran wrote, “Much of your pain is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals the self.” Out of the worst suffering have emerged the strongest souls; for the most developed souls are seared with scars. Our great victory comes not with ease, but in overcoming the greatest difficulties and heartaches imaginable. We are a collection of souls who have made it through some pretty deep valleys and made it up some pretty steep inclines. Some are still making their way through- and with the love and support of your fellow climbers –you will continue on till you reach the pinnacle of your spiritual growth.

Our hope lies in one of the foundations of Christian theology- one which I base much of my teaching upon- belief in the universal salvation of all mankind, which was taught by St Aquinas 800 years ago. He taught, “God sent his only son so that all humans, be they believers or unbelievers, could be redeemed by Christ’s sacrifice. There is not, never has been, and never will be a single human being for whom Christ did not atone.Church Tradition preaches in alignment with Holy Scripture, "he became the source of eternal salvation for all”.

Let me take you through the rationale of this line of thinking if this is a new concept for you:
Step 1- The death of Jesus bought salvation from the power and effect of sin.
Step 2- 1 Peter 3:18 says, "Christ died once and for all". We believe that Jesus accomplished what he said he did.
Step 3- Then we must admit there is a universal nature to the grace of salvation extended by God. If this grace is not available to everyone, then Jesus'death on the cross did not accomplish what it was theologically meant to accomplish.

"Universalism" is a principle that asserts that all people are under the consideration and love of God, and that theological concepts (doctrines) which conform to this are in fact more in accord with divine concepts. With this foundation of loving acceptance into the kingdom of God set in place- let’s move on.

Dr. Paul Tournier writes, “At the heart of each person is the need to feel a sense of being lovable without having to qualify for that acceptance."

There is something within each human that cries out for love. Yet, without the message of God’s unconditional forgiveness and love, how can a person feel any morsel of hope? The message of Christianity as it is spread today is far more likely to offer a person condemnation and judgment for their sin rather than a message of salvation and forgiveness.Dr. Tournier is speaking about a love that is unconditional- a love not dependent upon being or doing something worthwhile in order to earn such goodwill.

God is still speaking, but it is not a message of judgment and wrath- he speaks to convey a different message: Love is given in generous portion simply because the Lover loves you. But we don’t hear this message! We could conclude that all of humanity’s troubles originate with an internal knee-jerk reaction to the belief that we are in some way un-loveable. This is not God speaking- but what is broken within crying out when we have refused to accept the wholeness and health that God extends to each in his beloved creation.

Still many in our community reject what we have to offer them- not because they don’t want it but because they don’t trust themselves. They don’t feel worthy of something being offered solely for the joy of giving it away. How is it that so great a message has come to us through the prophet Jesus and people have twisted it and distorted it until it is nothing more than a hammer to hit someone else over the head with? We condemn others so that we don’t have to face our own self-condemnation. I don’t think that we can free ourselves from this self-diminishing way of thinking without careful examination of what is really happening in our heads.

The question I offer you is this: do you see yourself in any characteristic way as unlovable? We are all a unique set of characteristics. People around us as we grow up will put positive or negative qualities to these human characteristics. For example: my father and my son and, I daresay, I can be extremely "determined". You may say that we are very focused or blindly stubborn depending on the circumstance. Every characteristic which we were born with is there for our development, we can use them for our own good or for our harm. Do we have a choice on which way our qualities will go? Absolutely! It is within our power to choose to use our headstrong quality to make it through college without quitting when the going gets tough, or we can use it to injure our relationship with someone by always insisting that it be our way or the highway!

I encourage you to take time this week to reflect upon what you believe to be true about yourself. Do you look lovingly at the person before you when you look in the mirror or do you recoil in distaste and self-lothing? Take a few minutes to write down why you perceive yourself to be unlovable. Please note I did not say, why you are unlovable- but why you think you are unlovable. There is a fundamental difference. Look at the list and see if you can identify where those characterizations originated. Can you pinpoint old messages from parents, teachers, and friends that led you to negative conclusions about yourself? Are those messages valid today or are you willing to change them or better yet, let them go? The beliefs we adopt as children usually don't hold true when we view them objectively as adults. Can you stop believing in them? Can you begin to see yourself as a unique expression of life, as a genuine gift to the world?

How often have we acted in the hope of meriting someone’s love? If I give everything I am away, but I don't love myself, I've gotten nowhere. Love doesn’t come to us as payment for something we have done- it comes from within for one reason only- because love is all there is.
So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I am bankrupt without love flowing like a river flows within. Without finding the source within me, I will never find love from another..

Love never gives up on me. Ahhh, the good news- love is God in motion, moving throughout my reality, my universe, my thoughts, through... me.

Love cares for others best by first loving every nuance of self. Seek to love yourself in pure form, for no other reason than you are your best lifelong friend! Once you can laugh at yourself, cry for yourself, know yourself and forgive yourself you have befriended yourself. You cannot offer to others what you have not first given to yourself.

Love doesn't inflict misery by wanting what it doesn't have. It is so difficult for us to be content- blissfully content without thinking. Just being! Can you just be- without thoughts for a minute a day? That is a gift to give yourself.

Love doesn’t act from selfish motive, If we are motivated by what we get out of something, we are not acting from love. Love doesn' t expect payment or fairness or anything at all in return.

Love understands the intricate balance of worth. In love we relinquish the need to best anyone else or to gain at the expense of another. Love doesn't force- it is real and honest and true.

Love knows when to take time for renewal to self, How often do we go and go until we are ready to drop and then get up the next day, exhausted, to start it all over again. That isn't living. It is certainly not loving self.

Love doesn't easily get upset with one’s mistakes, The purpose of life is not to get it right, but to grow and gain insight when we get it wrong. Living involves risk and risk means sometimes we don't win. Love is there in those moments, to heal us and help us gain the courage to pick ourselves up again and move on.

Doesn't compare self to others, Do you compare apples to oranges? Bagels to bologna? Why do we compare ourselves to someone else. We are not and can never be them. Such comparisons only mean that we have not learned to love and appreciate ourself. When we do, there is no longer need to evaluate ourself against someone else.

Doesn't grovel with a sense of inferiority. An internal knowing of our true identity, as children of God, and that all others are likewise, means that we are not second to any and we can celebrate the gift another's life is to us. What a wonderful balance!

Love takes pleasure in being honest with self. No more lies, no more pretend and deception and fearful hiding behind some fake exterior. All that is so exhausting and grief provoking. We grieve because our soul knows it is not free, but when we let go of the secrets, they no longer hold power over us, and we can breathe again, maybe for the first time in our lives!

Walks away from what is not healthy. Loving self means that you no longer can live under anything that is not health producing. I have a dear friend whom I have been friends with for decades. I only want to see her happy, fulfilled, and healthy. I celebrate her accomplishments in life and want only the best for her. As my best friend, I have learned to do the same for myself.

Love knows God loves and can trust God always. What have I to fear with God's lovingkindness next to me? I know that I have experienced love, in it's purest form, when I have felt God nearby.

Love is always optimistic, it gives me proof that life is good. Even in my darkest valleys, when there was no glimmer of light in front of me, I knew that love would lead me out of the darkness and grief and life would one day be good again. I knew, because I loved myself, that I didn't want to stay in that dark valley any longer than I had to be there.

Never looks back, love never wishes for things that can't be, never day dreams of things that are not real. Love looks ahead, and can enjoy the wonder around me now.

But keeps replenishing itself to the end. Can we ever run out of love? No.

Love never dies.